I am here alone in the workroom/study at my dorm in Lower Manhattan. Alone. Radiohead blaring out of the small by mighty speakers in my mac. I am skipping class tomorrow. I only had one class, and the class is not one I usually miss, so I am taking a sick day. I, actually, have the sniffles btw. But that is not the real reason. I had a rough night, emotionally, and felt like just staying up late and doing nothing that happened to be productive. Then in the morning, sleep as late as I would like to.

I won't go into all the details, about what happened in the first part of the evening, as doesn't matter. My sweet friend showed more maturity and sweetness(is that a word?), than friends I have, in the past, held in high regard. She's someone I truly should hold onto.

Secondly the hw I had worked on since 8pm fell apart, and wasn't cooperating. SO i just decided to just shelve it.

The other incidents, were more a mish-mash of people acting rude or trying to act helpful and diplomatic. The rude, first, was partly in kidding, and partly in OCD. But nevertheless, it was rude. And I have very little time for that in my life at this point. The other, “helpfulness” was a friend trying to get me out of the depressed cavern I was in emotionally, and he failed miserably. He failed so bad, that it became just another annoyance, added onto the evening.

Sometimes, I feel, the best thing to do, is just leave someone alone when they are having a hard time. You don't always have to fix them, or the problem. Just smile at them, and let them know you care. It is ridiculous to think, that we can fix all problems with this phrase, “It's gonna be okay.. so don't let it get to ya”. It's almost condescending. As if I am weak, and they are strong. As if they passed some imaginary course on “life lessons”, and I am just lugging emotional baggage around, till someone shows me the way. That's crap.

I am not emotionally perfect. I may not even be fit to be in an intimate relationship at this point. Who knows. But I do know who I am, and I know what gets me agitated. I know that I love my God, and I know I love art. Anything other than that, is always a toss up.

Night. Justin-4am


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